I want to claim it. I want to believe that I am happy with what I am doing.
I am happy. I am just not sure what degree of happiness I feel.
I have been making plans for my life for a while now, but I am not quite happy about it. I cannot stick with those plans. I told myself I would go back to studying once I get a new laptop. I got a new one two months ago, yet I am not even making inquiries for requirements. I have been procrastinating, and I don't feel really good about it.
I have been working as an instructional materials developer for a while now, and I am happy about it, extremely happy. I feel more comfortable working with my colleagues now. I feel more confident sharing my ideas with them now. And I feel quite good about sharing what I know for a great outcome.
I have been spending quite a lot now, and I am neither happy nor sad about it. I am working so I can have the money to satisfy my needs and my wants. I am regularly buying the things I need, and I am occasionally buying the things I want. I just feel quite bad that my savings account balance is not increasing. I guess nobody would be happy about that.
I have been speaking ill of other people quite often now, and I don't know how to feel about it. In the past years, I had always been thinking about the goodness of people. I couldn't think of their bad side unless triggered by other people. I guess I just learned to accept that people are not always good and they're not always bad all the time either.
And I just learned that people can be happy even if they're sad. Emotional as it may sound, but they might have found happiness in their solace. I think I couldn't find mine there. Sadness eats me alive and I can barely breathe on its first touch.
I really don't know what I am saying here. All I know, and all I want to believe at this moment, is that I'm happy.
