You started as "I couldn't," "I don't know how," and "I'm not sure if I can." As each of your days unfolded, you told me that I could, that I know how, and that I can be sure I can. You reminded me that I can start each day as hopeful as the sunrise. That no matter how each horrible dream gets me tossing and turning, I will still wake up to a beautiful day. That no matter how tired I get even after sleeping, I can still make it through the day. Small steps. Baby steps. And even if some days still seem to be as bad as the nightmares, the sunset would be there to eat the darkness pretending to be light. And I would be comforted by the light personified in the darkness of the night. And the thunder and lightning would make purple skies as if telling the voices inside and outside my head that you got me. And for that, I thank you.
You made me walk miles, literally and figuratively. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, you reminded me to walk it off so I could think. You made me realize that walking is therapeutic. But it can be too overwhelming some days that walking couldn't help. So you made me talk to a few of the amazing people around me and it helped a lot. You constantly reminded me of the realizations I had--that I should face each challenge that comes my way and that I should believe that all will be well in the end. You made me realize that the outcomes may not be what I wanted them to be, but they will be what they should be for me. And for that, I thank you.
You made me value the relationships I have--my family, my friends, my classmates, and my officemates. They helped me survive you. They helped me each day in ways I never thought I deserve. But you reminded me that I was made deserving of every little thing that one can think of. You reminded me that I was, am, and will always be loved, and wanted. Perhaps that's what I was craving for--to be wanted by someone, to be needed by someone--because that would make me feel that I exist and that I am real. Somehow, you made me feel that I do exist. And for that, I thank you.
Thank you for a wonderful year of ups and downs. Uphill or downhill, the trek on your slope was truly difficult, but I still made it to another station. Tomorrow, I'll start another journey to yet another station. No matter what happens, I'll keep on going till I see the beautiful view on top. So thank you for an adventure worth remembering.
And for you 2020, bring it on!
