On the Day You Turn Twenty-Seven

 Dear Self,

Thank you for not giving up until now.

The past few months have been so hard on you and for you. You've been on the down-low most of the time, and a lot of the emotions you've been feeling are quite new to you. They overwhelm you to the point that tears suddenly fall down your cheeks. Sometimes you space out because you feel empty and dead inside and it seems that nothing excites you anymore. You shut yourself out because you feel that people, most especially your family, will not understand. You sometimes have thoughts of hurting yourself just for you to know that you still feel. You still do feel so just let yourself feel every emotion. Cry if you need to. Take a day off if you want to. But don't ever hurt yourself.  

I know it's been hard but just hang in there a little more. Not that everything's going to be alright but because you owe it to yourself not to give up after every difficulty you've been through. I know it's been draining and taxing to always keep yourself together but please don't give up.

You can still achieve something. Just take a step back. Look at how far you've come. Look at how far you can still go. It may not seem too obvious now but I believe you can go further. You will go further. In due time.

So for now, just keep on holding on to the things that wake you up each day and the things that excite you even just a little. Do not let your thoughts kill you for you are more precious alive than dead.

Just keep swimming.

Always here for you,

Your Other Self

Thank you, 2019!

Thank you for a year of lessons, realizations, and valuable relationships.

You started as "I couldn't," "I don't know how," and "I'm not sure if I can." As each of your days unfolded, you told me that I could, that I know how, and that I can be sure I can. You reminded me that I can start each day as hopeful as the sunrise. That no matter how each horrible dream gets me tossing and turning, I will still wake up to a beautiful day. That no matter how tired I get even after sleeping, I can still make it through the day. Small steps. Baby steps. And even if some days still seem to be as bad as the nightmares, the sunset would be there to eat the darkness pretending to be light. And I would be comforted by the light personified in the darkness of the night. And the thunder and lightning would make purple skies as if telling the voices inside and outside my head that you got me. And for that, I thank you.

You made me walk miles, literally and figuratively. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, you reminded me to walk it off so I could think. You made me realize that walking is therapeutic. But it can be too overwhelming some days that walking couldn't help. So you made me talk to a few of the amazing people around me and it helped a lot. You constantly reminded me of the realizations I had--that I should face each challenge that comes my way and that I should believe that all will be well in the end. You made me realize that the outcomes may not be what I wanted them to be, but they will be what they should be for me. And for that, I thank you.

You made me value the relationships I have--my family, my friends, my classmates, and my officemates. They helped me survive you. They helped me each day in ways I never thought I deserve. But you reminded me that I was made deserving of every little thing that one can think of. You reminded me that I was, am, and will always be loved, and wanted. Perhaps that's what I was craving for--to be wanted by someone, to be needed by someone--because that would make me feel that I exist and that I am real. Somehow, you made me feel that I do exist. And for that, I thank you.

Thank you for a wonderful year of ups and downs. Uphill or downhill, the trek on your slope was truly difficult, but I still made it to another station. Tomorrow, I'll start another journey to yet another station. No matter what happens, I'll keep on going till I see the beautiful view on top. So thank you for an adventure worth remembering.

And for you 2020, bring it on!

A Beginner's Experience of Mt. 387

View at the summit of Mt. 387, Carranglan, Nueva Ecija

To (sort of) celebrate my 25th birthday, I went on a joiners tour to climb Mt. 387, or Mt. Batong-Amat, in Brgy. Puncan, Carranglan, Nueva Ecija last October 28. As this was my first ever mountain hike, I had a lot of questions in mind -- How difficult would it be? Would I be able to go back in one piece? What should I expect? I even made a research about some basic mountaineering terms before I decided to go.

Road trip groufie

Pre-hike orientation

The road trip to Nueva Ecija was quite long. We left Batangas at 9:20 PM of October 27 and had some videoke session (YES! The van has one!) on the way to Metro Manila where we'd pick up some joiners. We reached the jump-off point in Brgy. Puncan at around 4:00 AM the next day.

Before starting the traverse, we had breakfast at the store at the jump-off point then we proceeded with the pre-hike orientation. We were told of the brief history of why the mountain is called Mt. 387 or Mt. Batong-Amat. Apparently, Batong-Amat is the name of the rocks at the summit. The mountain, covering 387.9 hectares of land, is protected by the Department of Environment and Natural Resources. At certain times of the year, hikers can bring with them tree seedlings to plant on their way to the summit, but since we went at a time when the lands are quite dry, we were only encouraged to bring water bottles to water the little trees on the way.

Halfway there!

The traverse to the top was quite challenging. My friend said it's only 2/9 difficulty, but I felt like it was more than that. (It's my first time so I have nothing to compare it with.) I had a lot of stops before I reach the summit, and I even had to make use of a makeshift cane to have extra support while hiking.

It was still dark when we started trekking. Halfway to the summit, we already saw the view that Mt. 387 was known for. We saw wide rice fields and several other mountains in Carranglan. At the summit, the view was even more breathtaking because we saw Nueva Ecija's Chocolate Hills. We had a small picture-taking session there as we were traveling with three photography enthusiasts.

Stopped for a rest. (Dex Macalelong)

Majestic sunrise

The rest of Carranglan (I think?)

Here's to my 25th!

Photo-op at the Batong-Amat rocks.

Looking like my knees aren't shaking.

Lovers' tree campsite. (Dex Macalelong)

Group picture at the Lovers' tree. (Dex Macalelong)

Traverse to Aloha Falls. (Dex Macalelong)

Our little adventure didn't stop there. We had to go to Aloha Falls and to get there, we had to do a traverse. (The difficulty is 4/9.) The trail was so steep that the tour guides advised us to wear gloves so that we wouldn't cut ourselves on the spiky stems of the plants that we'd hold onto. Some of us decided to just sit and slide down our butts just to be safe. (And poor me got nauseous and had leg cramps on the way to the falls!) The way down took me longer than expected. Eventually, I decided not to go to the falls because I was already tired and I was nursing my poor leg.

Even though I got injured, I enjoyed my first ever hike and I was very grateful I decided to go. I was able to think about and learn a lot of things. (Watch out for my post about those learnings. *wink wink*) And most importantly, I was able to conquer one of my greatest doubts about myself.

Our small group. (Dex Macalelong)

A couple of people to be thankful for this trip...
To my friends, Dexter, Noriel, Tune, and Joan, for coercing asking me to join them on this trip. I quite regretted joining them at first, but I'm very thankful now. (Where are the rest of our pictures?)
To my fellow joiners on the tour, for the laughter and for the great experience.
To our tour coordinator, Ms. Daisyree Catad, for being very patient and for waiting on me while I nurse my poor leg.
To our tour organizer, Mr. Jhay Desamparado of Byahe Ni JhayRick, for a very well organized tour. Hassle-free!
To our van driver, Kuya Walter, for keeping us safe throughout our road trip and for dropping me off two blocks away from my dorm.
To our tour guides, Kuya Jordan and Kuya Isagani, for helping me in that steep trail going to Aloha Falls.
To my fellow hikers that day, for lending some help while I was resting on the trail. Some of them gave me Jelly Ace, a pinch of salt (to help with the cramps), and sincere words of encouragement.
And to God, for the great experience, for allowing me to go back to the city in one piece, and for letting me be at work the following day.

I just love this view! (Dex Macalelong)

Now, that was an experience!

I Am Happy

I am happy.

I want to claim it. I want to believe that I am happy with what I am doing.

I am happy. I am just not sure what degree of happiness I feel.

I have been making plans for my life for a while now, but I am not quite happy about it. I cannot stick with those plans. I told myself I would go back to studying once I get a new laptop. I got a new one two months ago, yet I am not even making inquiries for requirements. I have been procrastinating, and I don't feel really good about it.

I have been working as an instructional materials developer for a while now, and I am happy about it, extremely happy. I feel more comfortable working with my colleagues now. I feel more confident sharing my ideas with them now. And I feel quite good about sharing what I know for a great outcome.

I have been spending quite a lot now, and I am neither happy nor sad about it. I am working so I can have the money to satisfy my needs and my wants. I am regularly buying the things I need, and I am occasionally buying the things I want. I just feel quite bad that my savings account balance is not increasing. I guess nobody would be happy about that.

I have been speaking ill of other people quite often now, and I don't know how to feel about it. In the past years, I had always been thinking about the goodness of people. I couldn't think of their bad side unless triggered by other people. I guess I just learned to accept that people are not always good and they're not always bad all the time either.

And I just learned that people can be happy even if they're sad. Emotional as it may sound, but they might have found happiness in their solace. I think I couldn't find mine there. Sadness eats me alive and I can barely breathe on its first touch.

I really don't know what I am saying here. All I know, and all I want to believe at this moment, is that I'm happy.

I am a Licensed Teacher, But I Opt Not to Teach

People who know me since 2009 know that I don't want to be a teacher. 

I graduated from PUP where, during freshman enrollment, you had to battle for a program slot with other enrollees. I was supposed to take Accountancy because my young mind back then thought that's what I wanted. To make the long story short, I didn't make it because I didn't meet the minimum grade requirement for Math, so I enrolled in BSEd-English, hoping that I could shift to Accountancy by second year but the shift didn't happen.

Fast forward to college graduation, I felt like I had to give back to education by teaching. I started working in a private high school, the same school where I had my internship, then I took the LET and thankfully passed. After two years of teaching, I quit and looked for a job that could refresh my views about teaching and about my life. Why? Because I started to burn out; I felt like teaching is eating the life out of me.

Last year, when I left the academe, many people thought I'd be working in BPO. But I was able to land a job as an ESL Writer for an online English education company. Today, I can say that I am grateful that I took a step into the unknown because I found what I really want to do in my life.

Then, this morning, I woke up and found that an elderly relative has visited my grandma. When I paid my respects, this relative asked me if I have already passed the LET. I confidently said, "Yes, I passed it two years ago." Then I got a reply. "Why don't you apply to a public school? Your aunt is getting Php 30,000 a month while on leave."

The moment I heard "public school," I was already thinking, "Oh, no! Here we go again!" I just politely said, "I don't want to teach." Then I slowly went out of sight.

So what's the point in telling this story?

First, could everyone please stop pushing me to be in a public school? It's not that I abhor it or anything, but I plan to enjoy my life while experiencing things I may not experience if I'm in a public school. I still have plans to teach but I don't want to share contrived experiences to my future students because they're so unreal. I don't want to live vicariously because I am not meant for that.

Second, could everyone please stop telling me that I took an education program so I need to be in a school to practice what I learned? This isn't only for me but for all the underemployed people I know. What I learned in the university can be used and utilized not only in the field of education but also in other fields. I admit I used to tell everyone then that I don't want to learn something I wouldn't be able to use at work, but those thoughts came from a mind which was exposed to idealism and not to the real world out there. People who learned something they don't want to learn need not be boxed by a world they don't want to be in.

Lastly, could everyone please stop telling me that I don't have to think about the now but that I have to think about "my" future? Oh, yes, retirement! Everyone should be ready for their retirement, but shouldn't everyone also be concerned about happiness and fulfillment?

What I want to say is if I keep on preparing for my future, I may not be able to enjoy my life right now. I don't want to be solely focused on my destination without admiring the journey I am at.



I've been hearing all these things for the past three years and I think they're getting old. Please understand that this is my life and my ultimate goal is to be happy. Just like how children have different learning styles and study habits, people also have different means to be happy. Some people may be happy to follow the trail of everybody, but some may be happy to make a new trail and enjoy another scenery. I am one of the latter and I can say that I am pretty much enjoying the new trail I created.

Someday, I may find myself going back to everybody's trail, but I will never regret that I departed from the ideal because I know I will be able to share something worthwhile. Right now, I'll enjoy my life; the scenery here is great.

She Is the Sea; I Am the Forest

You fell in love with the sea and she is a part of the ocean.

I am the forest.

She is the sea.

Her crashing waves keep on coming

To the shore

To get you and your emotions,

Letting you feel a different sensation.

She can be cold;

She can be warm.

For you, it doesn’t really matter.

She is the sea.

She is the reason why you love the beach.

You keep on coming to her and for her

Despite the scorching sun up above,

Notwithstanding the frigidness of the water

In winter or in spring

And even if she’s quite perplexing.

She is the sea.

You don’t mind her crashing waves

Or the storm amidst her.

You love to see the clear blue water;

You long to go beyond her horizon.

And so you did.

I am the forest.

I do not have crashing waves or stormy seas,

But I can offer you the wild

That represents my tangled thoughts.

Once you come, you’ll get lost

Among countless trees mixed with my emotions

Hidden in the dark;

The misty grass in the morning

Would dampen your eyes with the beauty of my solitary.

I am the forest.

I do not intend to harm or frighten you

With the darkness I possess,

But I want you to take the risk

And experience how it is to be lost

In a multitude of feelings;

The old tall trees can attest to

How beautiful it is in my loving arms.

I am the forest.

Always keep in mind that I am here,

Waiting for you to take a leap of faith

To the unknown

Where we can deepen our knowledge of each other,

Comprehend the mysteries enveloping me

In this ocean of grass, twigs, and emotions.

She is the sea.

I am the forest.

You drowned yourself in the water,

But you’re scared of a little darkness.

Nosce te ipsum: Musings of a wandering soul

Once upon a time, a lady loved a man who cannot love her back. This is no prelude to a fairy tale because theirs wasn’t one. They actually did not have one. Theirs were two different but related things: his story, her heartbreak.

This was the day that I felt everything. It was this very day three years ago. (Was it three years ago?) Yes, it was three years ago, but I felt that it was longer (it was even years on end) because I felt and experienced a lot within that time: the ups and downs of emotions of thinking about moving on, being in the process of moving on, feeling and thinking that I have already moved on, and going back to trying to move on – a roller coaster ride. That was what happened in three years.

I’ve learned a lot in that time. I’ve learned about life and love. But most importantly, I learned about myself, and I am still trying to learn about myself as I write this.

I’ve learned that life will go on even if you can’t keep up. It will not stop for you because you lost someone. Life will not stop even if you stop living. 

I’ve also learned that there’s more to life than love. Life is a mixture of everything – nature, people, unforeseen phenomena, love, heartbreaks, positivity, and even negativity. Life will not be life without the balance of the good and the bad. People need negativity to understand positivity, spaces to comprehend words and sentences, pauses in order to hear music, and breaks to understand people. And so I learned to embrace the negativity, the spaces, the pauses, and the breaks, and I learned that we all need them.

I learned that love can be shown in different forms and intensity. I learned that love bigger than love can turn into hatred and bitterness once not returned. It happened to me. The love I had was not reciprocated so I doubted my capability to love another man because the man I first loved already loves somebody else. This made me hate him and made me bitter. It eventually got to the point that I disconnected myself from his world because I cannot accept the fact that he cannot accept my love for him. But then, as time went by, I learned to accept, I learned to move on, and I learned that it is not an easy process. A lot of times I had to go back to day one because even a small sign of him made all the love rush back in. Until today came.

I was at the mall. As I was walking, I realized that this day three years ago, he left, not my arms but this land, for greener pastures. I was truly devastated because I hadn’t had the chance to talk to him or even bid goodbye. I found an escape in cutting and coloring my hair at the salon. And just today all these realizations were made.

I realized that over the past three years, I was fixated on my heartbreak while he proceeded with a happy life. He didn’t even know I was hurting. I realized that I treated my feelings as a baby that needs tears for nourishment. Thus, my feelings of heartbreak had grown into something as big and wild as a ferocious lion and even I was afraid of it. The barbaric beast was able to control its master. But then I learned that this was wrong so I learned to tame the savage lion, taught it how to behave, and trained it at my expense. Yet again, I realized that moving on is a long process – that the more I think about it and the more I force myself to do it, the more I hadn’t progressed to the next steps. I realized that the more I talk about a person, my experiences, and my heartbreak, the more I remember the person, the experiences, and the heartbreak. So I realized that it’s best to go on with my life, accept the pain, and grow with it because the pain reminded me that I did something wrong and that now I need to make over that mistake.

I realized that I tend to find validation from people around me. I do my best to impress people. I do things because I want to hear those “good job” and “how nice” comments from people who only know a part of me. So now I am trying to learn from these things. I am learning to do things for myself and I am trying to satisfy my ego first before others. I am learning to do things without expecting flattering comments in return. And I am learning to win inner battles against my previous self for a better me.

I also realized that I built walls so high that I was able to not let people in my own little personal space. But now I am learning to welcome people while also accepting the fact that there are chances of them hurting me in any possible way there is. I learned to bare my soul and be guarded at the same time. It sounds paradoxical, but that’s how it is – a precautionary measure.

With the changes that happened in my life, I can say that these new experiences have widened my horizon, not only in my career but also in my life. I’ve encountered new things, I’ve met new people, and I’ve had new experiences from which, I can say, I have learned a lot and have helped me grow as a person.

I am thankful for the experience.

I am thankful for life.

Nosce te ipsum.

WHY?

Why?

I always tell people that my life question is “how”. But, recently, I found myself asking a lot of whys.

Why?

I don’t usually ask this question because I feel like I don’t need to know the reason. Because I know that whatever answer I get from asking, I will still do what I am told to do, if it is not against my principle.

Why?

Instead of asking why, I’d rather ask “how” because I believe that if I know how to do something, the reason behind doing so would appear to me. And that is the only time for me to believe or not to believe the reason I am told.

But today let me ask myself this simple but sometimes horrifying question.

Image from www.google.com

Why?

Why did this come to this point? This is not the life you have envisioned. This is not your goal. This point of your life should have been buried to the deepest part of this world and should have been guarded by a savaged beast which would always be ready to risk its life just to protect the secret you have been hiding all along.

Why?

Why did you let all these things to happen? First and foremost, you should have been the one taking over when no one else does. You should have been the one to make things right. But what happened?

Why?

Why did you distance yourself too much that you didn’t know how to reach out again? Everything feels out of place because you shut yourself out from people. You have this unique talent of shutting people out then feeling alone without realizing that what you have been experiencing was created by none other than your own self. You do really have a lot of trust issues because of the circumstances then, but you should not imprison yourself. There’s a lot more to life than this.

Why?

Because all along, you wanted the people around you to notice you – to notice how much effort you have put to something, to notice how much you did to improve yourself, to notice how much you strived just to be noticed.

Why?

Because you just want to quit whenever you don’t feel like you are being you anymore.

Why?

Because you can’t admit to yourself that you are a quitter.

Why?

Because you are you. And you should be happy about that.

Thoughts and Reflections: My Life in the So-Called Real World

People say that graduation is an ending but also a start of a new beginning. It is a time when students are very excited to wear their black toga, walk down that aisle, and then get the hell out of the university or college where they have enjoyed and (maybe) suffered a lot. Yes, that’s how I feel when I graduated almost a year ago. But behind all these trivialities, deep thoughts are at the back of my mind. Graduation is more than just a ceremonious event; it is a point where a young person have to realize that they are “crossing the threshold from learning the basic to learning for life”. It is indeed a step toward the goal, a step toward success.

A lot of things happened to me after graduation. But even before I graduated, I had done things that a normal graduating student would not have done. A normal candidate for graduation would start printing a lot of copies of his or her curriculum vitae then pass it to several companies, or school in my case, and then wait for any one of them to call. That’s the normal deal, but mine is different. 

A month before my graduation, I had to process my SSS, Philhealth, PAG-IBIG, and other requirements for work since I was hired two months prior to the commencement exercises. It was a bit awkward doing these things with experienced and age-advanced individuals. What I meant was there were a lot of older people out there eagerly waiting for their names to be called while in queues. Sometimes I felt out of place but I just considered myself in that situation as a neophyte, and that was a part of my initiation rites. (And just to clear things up, I was not bothered by the queues; I was bothered by the experience.)

Aside from the absurdity of that experience, it was also discomforting that I didn’t look for work after graduation. (How come?) The school where I had my internship forcefully convinced me to pass my CV and take the aptitude test. A week after, the school principal told me to process all my requirements as soon as possible. Currently, I am very blessed to have been working at St. Thomas Academy for a year now, and let me just say that I am indebted to the administration of the school for welcoming me with open arms even when I have nothing to offer but my inexperienced service.

In addition to the pre- and post-graduation experiences I had, I also have had a ton of teaching involvement already. Ten months of teaching ninth and tenth graders was one hell of an experience. It was as if they were just my siblings and peers. There were students who are taller, making me feel like a hobbit. There were also students who pushed my patience to its limits and students who tested me in every way possible. These experiences of me being in the teaching profession were something I can consider worth keeping and worth remembering because these things molded me into the teacher that I am today. Good catch!

Career-wise, I can say I’m good. I can’t say I’m better because I have not experienced other work environments at the moment. But I realized that it’s hard to build a harmonious relationship with your co-workers. Different people, different ages, different races, different beliefs, and different personalities - you have to deal with these things despite of all the pressures your profession has put on your shoulders.

On another note, I have also pondered about the people who came in and out of my life. There were people whom I have lost along the way and people who have come to share the ride. When I started to live outside my world, I have met a lot of people and I am coinciding with their worlds right now. But as I drift away from the world I used to know and I used to share with a lot of people back then, I realized that our worlds are now lying in different planes - almost side by side but never overlapping again. This is the reality. The person you are close to when you’re in college might be the same person you are not talking to right now. The person who used to switch worlds with you might be the same person who just talks to you when he or she needs something right now. The person who used to be always by your side back then might be the same person who just seldom checks on you right now. I guess that’s how it is - gravity pulls you closer to one then lets you lose the other.

Cape Bojeador Lighthouse. Burgos, Ilocos Norte

I will be always grateful to where I am right now. There may be regrets and what ifs but I just have to deal with the now and just learn from the then. Things will be better in due time. In due time.

Being a Teacher

Teaching has never been an easy task. This is my first year so I have been under a lot of adjustments. There were times when I wanted to give up, quit the fight, and just walk out of this because I’m not being me anymore. I am not used to changing the way I act and the way I am so that students would follow my orders. Since I am not a control freak, my belief is that students will and should follow the teacher’s orders and directions from the heart. It should not just be a matter of I-should-do-this-because-I-am-scared-of-the-teacher act. There were many times that I become the evil I refuse myself to become because the class I am handling is the notorious and infamous. And that is the worst experience I had. It consumed me in a way that made me indifferent, insensitive, harsh, and heartless.

On Being Kind

My students used to tell me I am so kind. I guess I am but I put my kindness in place. The students I am facing are also human beings; they also have a heart and they can also be hurt by harsh words. I don’t want them to experience the teacher’s verbosity when it comes to giving sermons. I have taught them to be sensitive to the teacher’s mood and feelings so that they will not be in trouble.

These students say they love me. Yes, I do believe them. I feel it especially when I am having my class and I am facing them while they are looking at me with eyes twinkling and telling me, “Ma’am, you are bringing us into another world.” And right at that moment, I know I have fulfilled my goal as a teacher - to let the students think beyond the context of the lesson and bring themselves into another world where they will ask themselves, “Am I still trying to learn a lesson?”

On Being a Second Mother

I became a mother of 41 in an instant. I just graduated from college and here I am dealing with my 41 children inside one classroom, eight hours a day for five days a week. I can say that that is one heck of a week and one heck of a school year. At first, I can’t believe it myself. The class is a mix of different species of animals all wanting to live. Everyone wanted to eat each other to survive. It was a boxing match with 41 boxers in one ring at a time. It was an American Football League where everyone is a quarterback. It was a wrestling match where 41 people are vying for the championship. And in all those fights, battles, and games, I have always been the referee. It was a tough battle but I have managed everything with the help of the Almighty.

Feedback from Students

At the end of the school year, my requirement for all my students is an essay telling what they have learned in English that they can apply in real-life and their reflections about the classes we had. I got a lot of feedback and a lot of realizations after reading their essays. One student wrote, “…even [when] you caught me not listening, I am honestly telling you that that’s my favorite part.” This made me realized that not all students do things inside the classroom because they want to, but they do things inside the classroom because they want the teacher’s attention.

Another student wrote, “I’m pushing you [to] your limits since the class started. I eat, play, listen-not, and even answer weird stuff on your questions.” And so I've been put under a certain test since then. I can say that the student who wrote this once started getting on my nerves but, luckily, I have not reached the point of outburst. Understanding is a key to a harmonious relationship with the students. They still have hormonal imbalance at this time so I guess it’s natural for them to be testing their teachers and pushing them to their limits.

            Other remarks that are worth pondering are the following:

• “She isn't one of those teachers [who] will give their all just to be liked by the students.” I admit it. I wanted to be liked by my students at the beginning of the school year. But as weeks and months went by, I have changed my perspective. My view now is that whether you like me or not as a teacher, you have to like me because I will teach you something you can use in your life.
• “What’s good in your subject is that I do not have to memorize.” First and foremost, the subject doesn't require memorization. And I will not require it either because I know that what the students memorize now will be temporal. I haven’t enjoyed memorization either. Understanding and application in real-life situations is my concept of essential learning.
• “…taught us that being serious directs our eyes to focus on what’s only in front of you and not the other things around you.” I believe that teaching the students to look at the bigger picture will always help them discover different ways to solve the problems they are and will be facing.
• “This class will not force you to learn but it will help you to understand.” I am very glad that the students saw that little part of my teaching. Students are newly molded pots. Once you pound on them real hard, they will break.
• A teacher who “[teaches] students ‘how’ to think than ‘what’ to think.” Metacognition is a subject I am very fascinated about. Letting the students know their process of thinking will help them understand more the lessons they are learning. It’s a way to help them look at things with a different perspective.
• “…a teacher who didn't give us temporary learnings but lifetime teachings.” For me, it’s just a mix of realism, essentialism, and perennialism. I should teach the students what is real, what is essential and what they can use through a lifetime.

Teaching English to these students is an honor. I got to touch their lives in a simple way and they got to touch mine too. I didn't feel like a teacher. It’s as if I've been back to high school to learn the things I should have learned before. And I can say that I am honored to be a partner of these students in learning.

What I Learned

Teaching is a matter or learning the things you have not yet encountered and re-learning the things that you have already forgotten. I have indeed learned a lot of things this year and I can say that those things helped me to grow and to develop myself as an individual and as a teacher.

October Sunset

Happiness is a choice.

This is one of the things I have learned for the past few weeks.

It is your choice if you are going to make this day, your day, a better one or not. It is your choice whether you are going to fulfil your dreams on this day or just postpone it until you feel you have everything on their perfect places. It is your choice whether you are going to school or not. It is your choice if you’ll come late or not. It is your choice whether you are going to wake up on this day or not. It all lies on your decisions; you have your freewill. It is all your choice. Things happen the way they should be and it is still, I can say, the consequence of your choices.

Talking about choices, you can only choose between two options. Yes or no? Go or not? You cannot be at the middle. Ask yourself. Are you happy? You only got two answers. Yes or no? You cannot be in between. It’s just you’re happy or you’re not. That’s it.

We may be facing a lot of trials and challenges which we think we cannot make, fears we think we cannot conquer, and losses we think we cannot get over. But, do not give up. It’s a part of this life. (Just call it  “spices of life”. :) ) Just always remember that the sunset may come to an end and start the night, but the darkest night comes right before the dawn where the sun will shine brightly once again.

I choose to be happy. I choose to claim that this is my day and this is the day the Lord has made for me to fulfil my goals and my dreams so I’m going to seize it and make the most out of it. This is my choice. I choose not to mourn on the bad things that happened in the past because it’s all in the past and I cannot change anything about it. I better get up, get off my back and keep going. The things that happened yesterday are my experiences and I will use it to deal with the future. It has surely taught me a lot.

 

This is my day. This is the day the Lord has made for me. I am going to use it efficiently, making experiences out of it which can surely bring lessons that I can learn from. I am going to seize this day! Carpe diem!

Waiting for my Sweeter Song

I have always longed for someone to care for me besides my family. Someone who’ll text me at random times how’s my day. Someone who’ll call me by my name in the most simple but sweetest way. Someone who’ll join me through long walks. Someone who’ll stay late at night just to listen to my stories. Someone who’ll not get tired of hearing my sentiments on a moody day. Someone who’ll join me when I make fun of myself. Someone who’ll make me smile through my toughest days. Someone who’ll insist to bring my bag. Someone who’ll be writing my name proudly on his notes. Someone who’ll drink coffee with me on a rainy day. Someone who’ll talk to me about the latest book I’ve read. Someone who’ll encourage me to write more. Someone who’ll tell me I’m not the kindest person but still manages to handle me at my worst. Someone who’ll take silly pictures of us. Someone who’ll join me on trips and adventures we will make together. Someone who’ll build a dream with me. Someone who’ll build a home plan for us. Someone who’ll think about our future. Someone who’ll accept my family as they are not perfect. Someone who’ll accept me despite of all my imperfections.

Many people would criticize me that I demand a lot. Well, yes, I demand. But these demands are common to a girl who grew up watching Walt Disney movies. When I was young, I thought that having a man is just as easy as Cinderella wishing to her fairy godmother, as easy as Rapunzel being rescued by her prince charming, and as easy as Snow White and Princess Aurora being awaken by true love’s kiss. Now that I’m old enough not to believe these fairy tales, I would like to sue Walt Disney for instilling in my mind that the right man for me can be given in just a magic wand’s swish and that there is the existence of a knight in shining armor. In real life, it’s not like the movies. Reality is not as good as you dream it to be.

I have always listened to songs that perfectly describe the feeling of being loved and being cherished by a man of my dreams. I have always listened to the calming and soothing melodies of these songs that I would not want to hear another anymore. But these songs, just like the movies, do not happen in reality. No sweetest song is sung or will be sung, only the sweeter song.

The sweeter song can only be heard from the heart of a man who truly loves. The sweeter song that has always been the source of life of a man. The sweeter song which has made everything stop.

I have not yet found my sweeter song. But I am willing to wait for him. I know he’s just around the corner, practicing the songs he’ll be singing before me whether his heart is in tune or not. And when that time comes, I’ll be more than willing to sing a song for him no matter how out-of-tune it may turn out because I know and I believe that only true love formed with the love of God will be harmoniously sung by two hearts beating as one. That is the time I’ll hear my sweeter song.

To the no one who'll be singing the sweeter song with me,

 Finally

by Fergie

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream
Cinderella theme
Crazy as it seems
Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day
But I would have to wait
Make so many mistakes
I couldn't comprehend
As I watched it unfold
This classic story told I left it in the cold
Walking through an open door that led me back to you
Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth
I finally got lost inside of you
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

I remember the beginning you already knew
I acted like a fool
Just trying to be cool
Fronting like it didn't matter
I just ran away
And on another phase
Was lost in my own space
Found what its like to hurt selfishly
Scared to give of me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I have made

Finally got out of my own way
I've Finally started living for today
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have a our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Gave my love to him Finally

Finally, Finally

Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something beautiful is happening, happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

Ohhhhhhh, Finally, Finally, finally...

"The 'sweeter song' is more of a gift than a goal. It's not something we earn, it is something we receive as we allow the Great Author of romance to masterfully shape us into a gentle and sensitive lover..." - Eric & Leslie Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story

♥